Dreptul la copilarie

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Si voi aveti uneori impresia ca tot ce s-a petrecut in copilaria noastra face parte dintr-un vis care nu are aproape deloc legatura cu realitatea?

Traind in prezent, conectati la copilaria pe care o traiesc copiii nostri, ne simtim depasiti si derutati pentru ca aproape nimic din ce am trait noi nu mai e valabil.

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Sa stai singur acasa era ceva absolut normal, cheia de gat era un fel de medalie pe care o purtam cu mandrie aratandu-le celor din jur ca suntem mari si responsabili si ne putem descurca singuri.

Stiam de mici sa umblam cu aragazul si ne incalzeam singuri mancarea lasata de parinti, apoi ne strangeam masa si spalam vasele.

Stateam aproape toata ziua pe afara in fata blocului, mergeam singuri la scoala si ai nostri nu stiau aproape nimic despre noi cat era ziua de lunga. Ne vedeau dimineata inainte sa plece la servici si seara cand ne induram si noi sa intram in casa, in general manati de foame pentru ca altfel nu am fi intrerupt pentru nimic in lume jocul in care se implicasera toti copiii de pe strada.

Organizam olimpiade sportive la bara de covoare si daca nu aveai buza sparta din cauza unei sarituri ratate atunci nu meritai sa te califici in finala.

Ne cataram in toti copacii, mergeam cu bicicletele sau cu rolele cu viteza vantului, ne dadeam cu sania de pe cele mai inalte dealuri si eram cei mai fericiti din lume.

Ne-a placut copilaria noastra, am fi ipocriti sa nu recunoastem asta. Cu bune si mai putin bune, povestim cu drag despre ea si ne-am dori ca si copiii nostri sa aiba experiente similare, macar la jumatate.

Spun asta pentru lumea de astazi e altfel, copilaria de astazi e altfel. Totul e schimbat si depinde doar de noi sa incercam sa readucem si in ochii lor bucuria pe care o aveam noi cand aveam lumea la picioare.

Ca sa facem asta e important sa incetam sa construim globuri de sticla in care sa-i tinem si sa le lasam libertatea pe care si-o castiga zi de zi cu fiecare experienta pe care o traiesc.

Copiii nostri sunt inteligenti si merita increderea noastra iar asta ii va ajuta pe viitor sa nu se indoiasca de capacitatile lor.

E important ca fiecare experienta sa fie traita la varsta potrivita,din acest motiv trebuie sa le dam voie sa guste din copilarie si din adolescenta (cu limitele de rigoare, binenteles), pentru ca atunci cand vor ajungela maturitate sa se simta impliniti si sa nu isi doreasca sa revina in trecut pentru a recupera momentele ratate.

Nu le facem niciun bine daca ii tinem langa noi imbracati in functie de cum percepem noi starea vremii (pune caciula ca mie mi-e frig!) sau daca le dam sa manance pana la 3 ani doar pentru ca nu vrem sa se murdareasca pe haine sau daca ii tinem inchisi in masina doar pentru ca suntem prea grabiti sa ajungem noi unde avem treaba, uitand cat de mult mergeam noi pe jos, singuri.

Daca le spunem de 100 de ori sa nu alerge pentru ca vor cadea nu reusim decat doua lucruri: sa le impunem spaima noastra si sa ii facem sa nu mai aiba incredere in noi. Isi vor da seama si singuri ca nu li se intampla nimic rau, ca e foarte normal si foarte frumos sa alergi. Cat despre noi: ori i-am mintit ori nu stim nimic.

Cea mai mare bucurie pentru un copil este sa se murdareasca, sa alerge descult prin parc si sa aiba prieteni cu care sa se joace pana se face noapte.

Haideti sa ne aducem aminte cum e sa fii copil si sa le dam si celor mici dreptul la o copilarie fericita, cu obraji imbujorati de alergatura, cu genunchi juliti de cazaturi si haine agatate in copaci.

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Right to Childhood

Do you also get sometimes the feeling that everything that has happened during our childhood is part of a dream that has almost no connection with reality?

We enjoyed our childhood, and we would be cynical not to admit it. Even if it had its goods and bads, we talk fondly about it and we would want our children to have similar experiences as the ones we had, or at least half of them.

I am saying this because today’s world is different, and therefore our kids’ childhood is also different. Everything has changed and it depends only on us to try to bring back into their eyes the same joy we felt when we had the world at our feet.

We have intelligent children who deserve all our trust and this will help them on the long term not to doubt their capabilities.

It is important for them to live each experience at the right age and, for this reason, we have to allow them to have a taste of their own childhood and teenage years (within the corresponding limits, of course), so that when they reach adulthood they can feel fulfilled and not want to return to the past to make up for the lost time.

The greatest joy for a child is to get dirty, to run barefoot through the park and to play with his/her friends until it gets dark.

Let’s remember what it’s like being a kid and let’s not deny our children the right to have a happy childhood, with cheeks flushed from running around, with bruised knees from falling down and clothes snagged from climbing trees.

The secret message sent by certain parents overly involved in the upbringing and education of their children

We want to be near our children at every moment, to teach them how to do new things and to help them when something is too hard for them. We want to provide them with a wonderful life without any worries or burdens, but we sometimes forget that too much aid can do more harm than good.

Then our kids grow up and we ask ourselves why they are not able to do something by themselves or they are not successful.

The truth is that children do not turn into adults overnight and do not learn to be responsible just as they turn 18 and reach adulthood. Childhood should be their training court and us, as parents, we should help them, but not by constantly monitoring them and doing things for them, but by taking a step to one side and allowing them to try to find out by themselves how things actually work.

When we get them used to doing daily things for them (i.e. waking them up in the morning, taking them from a place to another, reminding them of their obligations and deadlines, asking questions for them, or making decisions and taking responsibilities in their name), we put our children (which have turned into teenagers without us even realising it) at risk as they could face a shock when they have to face the real world.

If you are already wondering how does a parent who is overly involved in the upbringing and education of his/her child look like, I am going to give you three reference points. Each one of these is a proof of the “quality” possessed by such parent.

We can consider ourselves to be exaggerated parents if:

• we do for our kids some of the things that they can already do by themselves
• we do for our kids some of the things that they can almost do by themselves
• our behaviour is driven by our own ego

If we meet these criteria it means that we deny our children the opportunity to be creative, to solve their own problems, to develop specific skills that allow them to cope with different new situations, to realize what makes them happy, to understand who they are.

Although we get overly involved in protecting our children and this could have short-term benefits, our behaviour is, actually, sending a very sad message: i.e. “Kid, you cannot actually do any of this without me.”

Let’s not forget that, in the end, the most essential skill that our children need to acquire is to live and to get along without our help.

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