Ce se poate intampla cand mesajele de pe WhatsApp ajung unde nu trebuie

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Am evitat intotdeauna sa stau la povesti in grupurile de parinti si bunici care se formeaza ad-hoc atunci cand copiii sunt la diverse activitati. Nu ma pasioneaza intimitaturile astea de ocazie in care fiecare isi povesteste viata, dar sunt si ocazii cand apar persoane cu ceva interesant de spus.

Sunt tot timpul atenta la astfel de ocazii si cand gasesc o persoana de genul, ii caut compania si in urmatoarele ocazii in care intalnim.

Asa este o bunica cu care ma intalnesc la British. Imi place ca este foarte conectata cu ce se intampla la scoala nepotilor si foarte ancorata in realitate. Stie cu se mananca internetul, social media, care sunt pericolele la care sunt expusi copiii in ziua de azi, cum sa-i motivezi ca sa invete sau cum sa le prezinti oportunitatile de viitor.

De curand mi-a povestit o intamplare din clasa nepoatei care este in clasa a 6a si o sa v-o reproduc si voua impreuna cu invatamintele pe care le-am tras eu.

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Anul acesta, la clasa nepoatei ei a venit o noua diriginta foarte dura si drastica, care ii trateaza de sus pe copii si incearca sa faca un fel de militarie cu ei. Binenteles copiilor nu le place de ea si sunt cu totii revoltati si toate frustrarile si le varsa pe grupul de WhatsApp. Unde nu doar comenteaza ci si vorbesc foarte urat. Stiti voi, injuraturi din alea cu bip.

Dupa vreo luna si ceva de la inceperea scolii, diriginta a intrat in clasa si, cu fulgere in ochi, a inceput sa citeasca de pe telefonul ei, mesaje din grupul copiilor.

In clasa s-a facut lasat o tacere mormantala, toti s-au facut mici si ar fi vrut sa devina invizibili. Asa au stat pana la sfarsitul orelor, cand au iesit aliniati din scoala unde s-au certat ca la usa cortului. A fost urat, s-au invinovatit unii pe altii pentru ca era evident ca printre ei se afla un tradator. Dupa o cearta de pomina si discutii care au durat cateva zile, au ajuns la concluzia ca nepoata bunicii de care va spuneam mai devreme e tradatoarea asa ca a inceput un bullying ca la carte impotriva ei.

Cand lucrurile au scapat de sub control, mama fetitei a convocat de urgenta o sedinta cu parintii si a somat-o pe diriginta sa spuna de la cine are mesajele pentru ca exista consecinte foarte grave pe care le suporta fiica ei care era nevinovata.

Doamna diriginta a refuzat sa spuna cine este sursa mesajelor insa o mama s-a ridicat senina si a spus ca ea a trimis mesajele pentru ca asa i s-a parut normal, sa o puna de doamna la curent cu comportamentul copiilor. Sa stie si ea ce limbaj trivial au elevii. Dupa care s-a asezat linistita in banca mandra in continuare de fapta ei.

Desi dupa sedinta toti copiii au aflat ce s-a intamplat de fapt, anumite lucruri nu au mai putut fi sterse si unele acuze nu au putut fi retrase. Desi colegii si-au cerut scuze fata de fetita respectiva  si chiar daca s-au impacat si cu baiatul a carui mama ii turnase, totusi grupul nu mai este la fel. Se feresc in continuare unii de altii, s-au format bisericute iar orele sunt din ce in mai grele si atmosfera din ce in ce mai apasatoare.

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Cand am ajuns acasa le-am povestit si fetelor aceasta intamplare si au fost mai atente decat daca se uitau la un film de actiune. Au stat cu sufletul la gura sa afle deznodamantul si inca mai discuta despre finalul neasteptat.

Dupa ce am terminat povestea am facut o scurta recapitulare cu ele si le-am intrebat ce concluzii au tras iar la final le-am spus si eu concluziile mele. Impreuna am facut o lista cu ce au voie si cu ce nu au voie sa faca pe internet si pe WhatsApp (unde se presupune ca e un mediu sigur, doar cu colegi sau cu prieteni, insa iata ca nimic nu e ceea ce pare).

1. Niciodata nu lasi mesaje cu ceva ce nu ai spune daca te-ai afla fata in fata;
2. NIciodata nu barfim si nu comentam terte persoane;
3. Nu trimitem poze din casa in care sa se vada cadre largi;
4. Nu trimitem poze cu noi in posturi intime (de indecente nici nu se pune problema). Ca sa clarificam termenul de intim, e vorba de situatii in care nu am fi de acord sa ne vada altcineva sau cu care nu am putea de exemplu sa iesim in public. Asta inseamna in lenjerie, in pijamale, etc.;
5. Nu lasam pe nimeni sa ne fotografieze, in special cand suntem in ipostaze intime dar si in general;
6. Nu pozam alte persoane fara acordul lor;
7. Nu trimitem nimanui poze cu alte persoane;
8. Nu trimitem catre terte persoane mesaje pe care le-am primit personal;
9. Nu trimitem mesaje care sa contina secrete sau idei compromitatoare. Un secret care e cunoscut de cel putin doua persoane nu mai e secret;
10. Nu acceptam cereri de prietenie si conversatii cu persoane pe care nu le cunoastem personal;

Explicatiile pentru toate aceste reguli sunt foarte simple si se regasesc in totalitate in povestea de mai sus:

1. Niciodata nu stii unde va ajunge mesajul tau;
2. Nu stii cum va fi interpretat si in ce contex;
3. Pozele pot fi usor trucate si folosite in scopuri rautacioase;
4. Nimic din ce e online nu poate fi sters;
5. Prietenii vin si pleaca insa mesajele raman pentru posteritate;

Sper sa va fie si voua de folos acest articol, va incurajez sa le povestiti si copiilor vostri si sa discutati cu ei la modul serios ce ar face intr-o situatie similara si cum ar trebui sa procedeze ca sa nu aiba acest gen de probleme.

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What happens when WhatsApp messages end up in the wrong place

A grandma that I run into quite frequently told me a story that happened in her granddaughter’s classroom (who is in the 6th grade), and that I am going to tell you as well along with the moral sit has taught me.

This year, her granddaughter’s class has a new class teacher who is very hard on the kids and very tough, who looks down her no seat them and treats them as if they were serving in the military. Of course, the kids don’t like her at all and they are all outraged and therefore use a WhatsApp group to express all their frustrations and comment upon her behaviour, but also to speak ill of her. You know, all sorts of swear words from the black list. One month or so after the school had started, the class teacher stormed into the class and started to read from her phone the messages sent by the children on their WhatsApp group.

The class fell in a deadly silence, all the kids cringed and I am pretty sure they would have wanted to melt into thin air at that moment. They stayed like this until the end of the classes, when they went out of school property and made the dust fly. They had a huge argument, blaming each other as it was obvious that there was a traitor among them. The quarrel lasted for several days, when they reached the conclusion that the granddaughter whose grandmother I ran into is the actual traitor, so they began to bully her in the worst ways possible.

When things got out of control, the girl’s mother called in an emergency meeting with the other parents and asked the class teacher to reveal the person who had forwarded the messages to her as the situation had very serious consequences on her daughter, who was actually innocent.

The class teacher refused to reveal her source but one of the mothers attending the meeting took the blame and seemed very untroubled by the fact that she had decided to forward the messages to the class teacher because she considered it to be the normal thing to do, as the class teacher needed to be informed about the children’s behaviour. And she taught that the class teacher also needed to be aware of the trivial behaviour her students use. Then she sat down quietly, still very proud of the decision she had made.

Even though all the kids eventually learnt what had really happened, some of the things they did or said could no longer be erased or withdrawn. Although the kids ended up apologizing to the girl and made up with the boy whose mother had turned them in, their group is no longer the same. They no longer trust each other, small groups have formed throughout the class and the air is thick, especially during classes.

I told this story to my girls and we reached the following conclusions:

1. we should never write a message to say something we would never dear to tell somebody straight;
2. we should never gossip and comment upon someone else’s behaviour;
3. we should never send others photos of our classroom, especially photos that provide a broad image of the space;
4. we should never send intimate images of us (indecent images are out of the question). Just to keep things clear, when talking about intimate images, I am referring to those situations in which we would not agree to be seen by somebody else or in which we are wearing something in which we couldn’t go out in public, for example: i.e. in underwear, wearing our pyjamas, etc.;
5. we don’t let anyone take photos of us, generally speaking but mostly when we find ourselves in intimate situations;
6. we don’t take photos of other persons without their consent;
7. we don’t send anyone photos of other people;
8. we don’t forward to other messages that were sent to us directly;
9. we don’t send messages that contain secrets or compromising information. A secret that is known by at least two people is no longer a secret;
10. we never accept friend requests or participate in any conversations with persons that we do not know personally.

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