10 Sfaturi despre cum sa-mi pedepsesc copiii

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Una din zilele acelea grele in care copiii nici nu te baga in seama si parca rostul lor pe lume este sa te scoata din pepeni. Toata ziua m-au tocat marunt, marunt la creieri, pana cand nu am mai rezistat si am zis mergem la o mica plimbare sa ne mai aerisim putin.

Plimbarea ne-a facut bine asa ca am  prelungit-o pana in parc unde ele au fugit sa se joace cu copiii iar eu am ramas cu mamele si bonele care ii insoteau pe acestia.

La un moment dat, una dintre mame incepe sa povesteasca cate probleme ii face baiatul ei preadolescent, in varsta de 12 ani si cum ea il domina pana il “ingenuncheaza” pentru ca, nu-i asa?, “astia mici nu trebuiesc scapati din mana ca pe urma ti se suie in cap“.

Eu am ramas putin in urma cu discutia, singurul lucru care mi-a atras atentia a fost cuvantul “preadolescenta”. Si pentru ca femeia parea ca stie ce vorbeste am indraznit sa-i cer o parere despre “toanele” fetelor si daca se poate sa fie vorba despre asta. Atat mi-a trebuit. Am fost coplesita cu o gramada de sfaturi despre ce trebuie sa fac ca sa tin situatia sub control, cu explicatii detaliate si aproape ca am primit instructiuni scrise.

Va redau mai jos un TOP 10 al sfaturilor primite.

1. “Ia-le telefonul sa nu mai aiba la ce sa se joace. Asta functioneaza intotdeauna”. Asa o fi doar ca ale mele au un telefon ca sa poata sa comunice, in special pe wath’s up, pentru teme. Ar fi culmea sa nu le las sa vorbeasca cu colegii
2. “Ia-le tableta o saptamana sa nu aiba la ce sa se joace”. Nu au tableta.
3. “Nu le lasa la televizor o saptamana”. Adevarul e ca ele nu prea se uita la televizor. Nici nu le las decat la filme/controlate de noi si nici nu prea au timp. Duminica dimineata ce mai prind si ele cate un film pe Disney.
4. “Nu le mai du la Mall la film sau la locurile de joaca. Vreo luna”. Nu mergem la Mall si nici la filme decat atunci cand primim invitatii.
5. “Nu le mai cumpara dulciuri sau ce le place lor”. Nu le cumpar. Inca mai am din stocul primit de Craciun iar cel de la Pasti e neatins. Iar la inghetata pe care o mancam la plimbare nu renunt sub nicio forma.
6. “Trimite-le la ele in camera, fara sa se joace. Dupa vreo doua ore sa vezi ce cooperante or sa fie”. Despre ce naiba vorbim noi aici?!?!
7. “Pune-le sa citeasca. 10 pagini pe zi si o sa faca orice ca sa le lasi in pace”. CUm sa fac asta cand Alexandra citeste o carte in doua zile iar Andreea sta cu orele pe buda cu teancu’ de carti langa ea. Si pana la urma care-i scopul? Sa urasca cititul?

A fost momentul in care m-am intrebat, oare ce fel de mama sunt? Chiar asa, sa nu am niciun fel de autoritate? Chiar sa nu stiu cum sa ma impun in fata copiilor mei?

8. “Fac vreun sport?”/”Da, scrima”./”Si le place?”/”Da, la nebunie”./”Zi-le ca nu mai au voie sa mearga daca nu te asculta”. Cum Doamne iarta-ma sa nu le mai mai duc la scrima cand le zic in fiecare zi cat de important e sportul si ca trebuie sa avem grija de corpul nostru? Scrima le-a adus printre cele mai multe beneficii atat fizic cat si emotional, de ce sa nu le mai duc la scrima? De ce sa le fac rau cu mana mea?

Aici chiar m-am enervat putin si am inceput sa raspund tiradei de sfaturi insa nu m-a bagat nimeni in seama.

9. “Zi-le ca dati cainele, asta chiar ca o se le cuminteasca”. Hahaha, asta chiar e cea mai buna gluma. Ca si cum cainele ar fi un scaun sau o masinuta, sa le arunc cand am chef.

10. “O palma la fund sa stii ca n-a omorat pe nimeni, din contra”. Aaa, gata! Pana aici! Daca o sa incepeti sa ma invatati cum sa-mi bat copiii am plecat, nu sunati, va caut eu.

Am renuntat la discutie pentru ca uneori este peste puterile mele sa raspund instant unei tirade de genul acesta iar daca majoritatea pedepselor ma amuza, cand se ajunge la bataie nu mai sunt rationala asa ca mai bine tac si parasesc incinta.

Nu o sa pricep in veci de credem ca pentru a motiva un copil sa faca ceva e nevoie ca mai intai sa-l facem sa sufere. Pana la urma pedepsele asta sunt acte premeditate al caror singur scop este sa-i facem pe copii sa sufere. Oare cand o sa intelegem ca niciodata un copil pedepsit nu o sa zica “mvai ce rau imi pare, data viitoare o sa fiu cuminte?“. Cand o sa ne fie clar ca un copil si chiar un om nedreptatit nu are in minte decat cum sa se razbune indiferent de consecinte? De ce sa continuam un comportament care nu face bine nimanui ci din contra ne indeparteaza de copii si rupe legaturile care sunt oferite de natura fara ca uneori sa le meritam?

Copiii sunt creatia noastra si la propriu si la figurat. Si ei au creier ca si noi iar daca nu reusim sa le transmitem mesaje pe care sa le inteleaga credeti-ma cand va spun ca la noi e problema, nu la ei. Oare daca pe noi ne-ar pedepsi sau ne-ar bate cineva am fi mai productivi si mai cooperanti? Doar intreb.

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10 Tips on how to punish my children

Below you shall find a list of the top 10 tips I’ve received:

1. “Take their phone away so that they don’t have on what to play. This always works”. It might be true. It’s just that my daughters own a phone so that they can communicate, especially on WhatsApp, to do their homework. It wouldn’t be such a good idea to ban them from talking to their colleagues.
2. “Put their tablet away for one week so that they don’t have on what to play”. My daughters don’t own a tablet.
3. “Do not allow them to watch TV for a week”. To tell you the truth, my daughters don’t really watch TV. They are not allowed to watch TV except for the movies we choose for them and they don’t really have the time do it. They mostly watch a film on Sunday mornings on Disney Channel.
4. “Don’t take them to the shopping centre any longer or to the playgrounds. For a month or so”. We don’t go to the shopping centre or to the cinema unless we are invited.
5. “Stop buying them sweets or anything they like”. I don’t. I still have some leftovers from Christmas and they didn’t even touch any of the things they got for Easter. As for the ice cream we eat when we go for a walk, there’s no way I am giving up on that.
6. “Send them to their room, without letting them play. You’ll see how easy it will be to get along with them after a couple of hours”. What the hell are we talking about?!?!
7. “Make them read. 10 pages a day and they’ll do just about anything to leave them alone”. How could I do this when Alexandra reads a book every two days and Andreea spends hours on the toilet seat with a stack of books next to her. And in the end what’s the actual purpose? To get them to hate reading?
8. “Do they do any kind of sport?”/”Yes, fencing”./”And do they like it?”/”Yes, they love it”./”Tell them that they are no longer allowed to go to practice if they don’t listen to you”. For God’s sake, how could I tell them that I will no longer take them to practice when I tell them all day long how important sport is and that we must take care of our bodies? Fencing has brought them the greatest benefits both physically and emotionally, so why should I decide not to take them to practice any longer? Why should I do them harm with my own hands?

This is when I got a little angry and started to reply to the tirade of tips but everybody looked the other way.

9.“Tell them that you are going to give the dog away, this will really calm them down”. Hahaha, that’s the best joke ever. As if the dog was a chair or a little car toy that I can throw away whenever I feel like it.

10.“You know, a little spank has never killed anybody, on the contrary”.Aaa, that’s it! Enough! If you are trying to teach me how tohit my children, I’m out of here, end of discussion.

I’ll never understand why we believe that in order to motivate our children to do something we need to make them suffer first. After all, punishments are nothing but premeditated acts whose sole purpose is to make children suffer. When will we ever understand that a child who has been punished will never say “Oh my, I’m so sorry, I promise I’ll be nice next time“? When will we understand that any child and even a wronged man is only up for revenge, regardless of the consequences? Why should we encourage people to continue to behave in a way that is not good for anyone but, on the contrary, grows us apart from our children and break the bonds provided to us by nature without even deserving them in some cases?

Our children are our creation, literally and figuratively speaking. They have their own way of thinking, just like us, and if we fail to send them the right messages that they are able to understand, believe me when I say that we have a problem, not them. I wonder if we were punished or hit by somebody, would we be more productive and more cooperative.

It was the moment when I wondered: what kind of mother am I? Is it possible that I do not have any authority whatsoever? Don’t I really know how to impose myself in front of my children?

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